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>> A Wordy Self-Portrait <<
Name: Karen
Nicknames:
verite (ve-ri-tay) nyx
Kare
Sakamoto Mizuki
Em-chan
I am:
Canadian
female
eccentric
occasionally obsessive
a yaoi/slash fangirl
Locations:
Toronto (body)
Hong Kong (manga addiction)
the gutter (mind, not body)
in front of the computer
DoB: October 30
DoB of the Inner Fangirl: April 24, 2000 at around 5:00 p.m. Eastern Daylight Savings Time
State of Mind: A few lemons short of a Mike's Hard Lemonade, but stable in a neurotic, eccentric way.
Fixations: manga, anime, yaoi/slash, music, reading, books, fanfiction, online comics & manga, movies, cooking, collecting winamp skins and wallpapers, PS2, slacking off and sleeping
Current Poisons of Choice: fanfiction, LotR RPS, Orson Scott Card, Ellen Kushner and Neil Gaiman
Song(s) of the Moment: Vertical Horizon - Wash Away
Thought of the Moment: Less than a week...PS2
Quote of the Moment: "I can't decide if the problem is we're growing up too fast, or not at all." - Millie, Ozy and Millie
Mood:
>> Contact <<
Email: verite_nyx@yahoo.com
MSN: sakamoto_mizuki@hotmail.com
ICQ: 94724494
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[Wednesday, April 30, 2003 | 11:58 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Cowboy Bebop - Too Good Too Bad]
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis! Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Test
I'm not just going to hell; I'll be sauntering quite dandiacally there. ^_~
[Tuesday, April 29, 2003 | 08:35 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Evanescence - Tourniquet]
Got practice AP Calc exam back. I barely got a 5, which shocked me, and I have a 91% for my exam mark, which gets the same mark that got sent into OUAC for AP Calc, which is v.g.
One girl was two marks away from a perfect 5, scoring an absolute perfect 100; she missed only two multiple choice.
I can be lazy again...not for long though. Mod West. >_>
[Monday, April 28, 2003 | 09:21 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Lifehouse - Breathing]
Did practice AP Calc exam. *gurgle and dies* Next Thursday, same ordeal, but that counts for AP credit. >_> I want to die in the middle of the exam and have my death on my teacher's conscience. Ok, maybe not. I'm not that malicious.
I can relax a bit now. I only have a few small projects to do and several tests before exams and they should be fairly easy compared to what I've had. What I really need to do is to pull up my marks just a bit more or make sure they remain steady. McGill is being nonspecific about what mark I need to keep up in order to be accepted. >_>
My parents are going away for Victoria Day weekend to NYC (Damnit! Kinokuniya calls my name!) so I'm going to have a very loose curfew. Greg, persuade your parents to relax your curfew for Victoria Day Weekend?
I know I've asked this before, but is there anyone else who's going to come to AN2003?
This Friday, X-2? XD Anyone coming?
[Sunday, April 27, 2003 | 10:58 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Arrogant Worms - Carrot Juice is Murder]
Coleslaw's a fascist regime!
I was in a bad mood. I would even say I'm perpetually in a bad mood, interspersed briefly with moments of ignorance like right now.
There exists Y Tu Mamá También fic. Not just fic, but slash fic. *sighs happily*
[sarcasm] 2 Fast 2 Furious promises to be an exciting thrill ride (just like The Fast & the Furious) that I just cannot wait to see. Oh yes, gratuitous T&A, cars that are farcical in the bad way, ridiculous car tricks, and a script focused on Paul Walker. Jolly gosh, "I've never been so excited in my life!" [/sarcasm] And no Vin Diesel. Not that I'm not that torn up, but he is decent eye candy compared to Paul Walker.
Watched Hero. Beautiful and spectacular in that enormous way that Chinese historical martial arts films are. Still, it managed to be tragic and touching in a semi-intimate manner. The script is magnificently laid out and complex; the characterization intricate and excellently done; and the artistic elements of setting, costume, and stunts blew my mind. Needless to say, find a way to watch it because it's like old, elegant Chinese furniture: beautiful, antique, austere, yet intricate and aesthetically magnificent and something that you are almost afraid to touch.
And the swordfighting scenes? Admittedly, they're the defying gravity scenes, but they're done in such a lovely manner as to mimick art and dance.
[Sunday, April 27, 2003 | 09:11 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Green Day - Time of Your Life]
I don't want to be 17 any more. I want to be a cold corpse in a grave where the stuff of life doesn't affect me.
Life is a mystery; you can never solve it and by the time you do, you're dead.
I'm ill-suited around people and to life and I wish humanity would do itself a favour and fuck off into non-existence.
Philosophically, total genocide of the human race sounds like an excellent plan.
Just a question, would anyone consider it merely the process of evolution that humans have become the top of the "food chain" or evolutionary ladder in order to pollute and destroy the world?
Bitter, moi? A resounding hell fucking yes.
[Friday, April 25, 2003 | 11:30 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Evanescence - Hello]
Watched Identity. Freaky movie.
Watched CSI. Am intrigued. Damn friends.
Now an attempt at a pseudo-Romantic/poetic lyrics mixed with a politcal agenda poem:
we walked and talked
along the side of the road
picturesque suburbia surrounding us with
its cookie cutter houses and families
that just slice and bake for
instant family-style happiness
you began walking on the grass
when the sign said otherwise
so i began a divergent path
swerving onto the road
we walked and talked
but the valley of distance that
separated us as me and you
began its inexorable expansion
like a bloated economy
eventually i will stand in
the middle of the road
spread my arms to the sky
for freedoms that will never come
waiting for the inevitable
SUV to come and run me over
while you keep on walking
on the grass even when
the sign says otherwise
and you will keep walking
and walking
and walking...
[Friday, April 25, 2003 | 01:08 a.m.]
[Theme muzak: Chicago - Cell Block Tango]
On Chicago music kick now.
Philosophy Bowl in ten hours. So goddamn screwed. Nietzsche is going to kill me.
Amusing note: the guy who's doing Nietzsche is named Edmund Adderly. *giggles* Possible relation of Edmund Blackadder?
Finished my draft of my English ISP. Take that epigrammatic discourse of dandies and social comedies vividly imbued with shades of social criticism!
[Thursday, April 24, 2003 | 11:00 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Chicago - All That Jazz]
Fight me, you slackbladder wimps.
Astrael's Battle Imp is |
 Alin |
Backstabbing: 5
Dodgin': 6
Guts: 2
Magic Mojo: 9
Smackdown: 10
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[Wednesday, April 23, 2003 | 04:30 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Matthew Good - In a World Called Catastrophe]
McGill officially accepted me.
XXXXXXXXXXXDDDDDDD
So fucking happy right now.
Now I got to write the draft of my English ISP. >_>
[Wednesday, April 23, 2003 | 12:34 a.m.]
[Theme muzak: Evanescence - My Immortal]
Finished my Philsophy formal statement. It only took me 3-4 hours with research to write 600 words.
Now I've got to start my English ISP draft which is due in little more than twelve hours.
...ha! I should just ask for an extension just like the rest of the class.
At least I hope the rest of the class hasn't done their drafts, which they probably haven't, but maybe they have...
oh shit.
Maybe I'll just beg.
[Sunday, April 20, 2003 | 10:35 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Evanscence - Bring Me to Life]
Bulletproof Monk is just a pale imitation of The Matrix. The only thing original is the HK martial arts movie aspect to it and even that is as original as a Regency romance novel.
Must improve DDR skills.
Screwed for Philsophy and English ISPs. Both of them are due in the next two weeks along with the AP Calc practice exam that counts as the final exam.
All I ask is to get through the next two weeks without crying or fainting or various unpleasant things. Please.
[Sunday, April 20, 2003 | 02:02 a.m.]
[Theme muzak: FF6 - Aria de Mezzo Carattere]
Messed around with DWI. D/l'd a couple of new songs. Heeheehee...
Late night philsophical discussions with someone of like mind r0xx0r5. It's good to recollect and reorganize my ideas into a more cohesive system, not that there's a real structure to my thoughts.
By the way, the futility of life is eternal and we're all delusional idiots. This meant in a self-deprecating, yet supposedly knowlegeable tone that denotes my scorn of humanity and myself and smacks of poseuring of superior, "learned" university students, yet satirzing them at the same time.
You ain't see nothin' yet.
[Friday, April 18, 2003 | 12:12 a.m.]
[Theme muzak: Arlo Guthrie - Alice's Restaurant]
Hamilton to Waterloo. Hm. Interesting connection.
Still nothing from McGill. >_<
Got my Western package and I got a nice scholarship for first year. I was 1.5% away from a 4 year scholarship! That might have persuaded me very strongly to reconsider Western.
If McGill doesn't send anything by next week, I'm definitely going to start harrassing them.
Bend It Like Beckham is fairly good. It's a nice movie, doing a nice spin on female football players and the cross-cultural tensions that result when Western ideals and practices meet more traditional ideas. One little thing I have an issue with: it rains a good deal in England, so why aren't there more rain scenes? *leer*
Philsophizing and smirking references aside, John Rhys-Meyers who plays Joe is "so pretty," as Emily put it. He's dressed simply (which I like very much), but it only serves to highlight his features, especially his eyes and cheekbones. Short hair suits him. All right, his dancing's a bit too funky chicken, but when he's doing it attired in a black shirt with at least two buttons at the top open, who cares? And the white linen shirt (it ought to appear in a rain scene) and the cricket outfit? Mmmmm...
And he can act. He's more than a pretty face. He's got a growing list of to his name, including the infamous Velvet Goldmine, which, in my opinion, had the potential to become an underground cult favourite, which it sort of is, but not quite yet, like The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Velvet Goldmine was a quirky, curious and a curiously good movie.
Bottom line: John Rhys-Meyers is quite secksay and beautiful. XD
[Wednesday, April 16, 2003 | 03:48 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Danko Jones - Lovercall]
Sinking feeling. Read fine print online at McGill that said, "Applicants are advised that the information displayed on this site may not be relied upon as an official acceptance to the University. The official admission decision is conveyed in its formal Letter of Acceptance."
The same probably goes for Western as well. *whimper*
I'm just a bit frightened now because McGill did say "Admitted Pending Final Results," but what kind of Final Result do they mean? They send the letters out from April 14-17. I am very uncertain. *whimper*
I got into Queens Arts with Formal Letter of Acceptance and Residence.
I'm going into anxiety mode and am getting irritated and worried with how McGill is playing with my heart. This whole McGill thing already took a few years off my life when I didn't get a confirmation letter. >_< I would not be able to handle it if it turned out that McGill didn't accept me. Excuse me while I indiscriminately and viciously rip up pieces of scrap paper.
*whimper*
[Tuesday, April 15, 2003 | 09:12 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: TaQ - Era]
Help me fantasy readers. I remember reading a book about a world where the sun is covered from the world from grit, dust, pollution, so sunlight is almost nonexistent. Think a barren, dark world where they have to depend on "coal" for fuel, light, and warmth, so a good deal of society has become slaves working in the coal mines while the small class of elite live in relative luxury. The female protagonist, a slave who works in the "coal" mines, is prophetically chosen to be the handmaiden of the lord (the VIP of the world) who divines where the "coal" mines should dug because coal's the only way the people can keep warm, etc. He later dies and she tries takes his place because she can actually divine "coal" mines better than he, but faces great resistance as a female slave. She eventually becomes the VIP, but discovers a new mental way of getting warm and effects changes in the environment, societal structure, etc. that way and by the end of the book, plants are starting to grow again and there's more sunlight. And she's got a love interest who's the son of her deceased master.
Strike a note with anyone? Title, author, character names, special terms in the book? I'd like to get this books again, but cannot recall the title or author. Help me please?
[Monday, April 14, 2003 | 06:41 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Bonnie Pink - toughness]
I got accepted to McGill and U of T. XXDD
[Sunday, April 13, 2003 | 11:30 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Matchbox Twenty - Unwell]
Dear Karen,
I could go on for ages about the major fucktard you are, but all I have to say is DO NOT PROCRASTINATE. That is all. Please, just do what I say for the next two months until exams are finished, or at least until May begins.
Sincerely,
Nice and Logical Part of Your Brain
Dear Karen,
Do not procrastinate. I will kick your ass if you procrastinate. I will flambe you with peach schnapps and gasoline if you procrastinate.
Sincerely,
Mean and Logical Side of Your Brain
Dear Karen,
Just a few reminders. Remember QaF on Monday nights at 10 p.m. Remember X-2 opens May 2. Remember The Matrix Reloaded opens Thursday, May 15 and Anime North is from May 16-18 and Midorikawa Hikaru *squee* is going to be there.
Hugs and Kisses,
Pleasure-Loving Part of Your Brain
Anime North. Who's going? May 16-18, Victoria Day Weekend. Leave a message please.
[Thursday, April 10, 2003 | 10:58 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Boa - Fool]
I am dead for Philosophy. The Bowl's in two weeks and he wants to go over drafts of the formal statement next week. Have I even started research for it? No. >_< I am fuxx0r3d, not to mention the draft of my English ISP is due in two weeks as well. *panic^3* Then my practice AP Calc exam is on the last Monday of April. I'm going to be exhausted writing the essays, then further exhausted by studying over the weekend and probably fall over after the third hour stuck inside a bloody room with thirty other equally scared, stressed, exhausted students who don't remember how f'(x) is related to f"(x) and how the quotient rule works. >_< Times like these, I wish I'd given up my dignity and any shred of self-respect and threw myself onto my knees in front of my AP Calc teacher and begged to let me go into the regular Calc class.
*whimper* I strongly dislike school during these Dimension of Pain Weeks, which further convinces me that the structure of society is utterly flawed and we are flawed. It ain't the Matrix, but it feels damned close to it.
Matrix Reloaded is coming out May 2. X-2 is coming out May 15. Anyone planning to go those dates? (Edit: Sorry, those dates should be reversed. X-2 is May 2 and Matrix Reloaded is May 15.)
FUCK! *finds source of OOTP spoilers* Will not read, will not read, will not read, will not read. >_<
Dear Karen,
You will not read OOTP spoilers. Remember that you paid $40 in advance for the hardcover edition that's coming out on June 21. Remember that you don't usually buy hardcover. Remember that's it's been 2 years since you first read the HP books and if you've waited 2 years, you can wait 3 months more. Fuck up and I will leave your sorry ass in the dust and you can kiss university good bye.
Hugs and Kisses,
Your Brain
[Wednesday, April 9, 2003 | 04:47 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Basement Jaxx - Romeo]
I got accepted to Western for MIT and Social Sciences. At least, I think I did. The online profile thing said so, so I assume it's true.
*squee*
Stupid Calc assignment. Stupid, stupid, stupid Calc assignment. I can't get anything! Stupid bloody English and Philosophy ISPs. >_<
Dysfunctional Driving Video. Parfait pour moi. ^_^
[Tuesday, April 8, 2003 | 06:30 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Brooklyn Bouce - Club Bizarre]
Finally! Someone punches Michael! Oh yesssssssssssssss!!! Just didn't think it would be Brian, but oh yes! Someone should have done that quite a while back to the morally superior, interfering twat.
Ethan. Oh Ethan, Ethan, Ethan...^_^
Brian. Oh. Sad state of affairs for him. Nice hair, by the way.
Justin. Ouch. He needs a hug. But without messing his v. nice hair.
QaF3 promises to be a good season. *gleeful squee*
Yesterday, I was starving for a bagel and luckily, I went to tutoring, so I satisfied my craving for it quite nicely. I was sniffing at it walking up Shepherd and promptly created a little ditty in honour of the bagel with cream cheese with thees, thous, and thys.
>_< You know you're too into Romantic poetry when...
[Monday, April 7, 2003 | 09:50 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Greenwheel - Breathe]
Ivan, can we go to Eglinton for Anger Management on Friday? They have DDR Extreme for $1 there and there's very few people there that actually play DDR.
Saw Phone Booth on Friday. Played DDR. I still suck on Standard. >_<
QAF in 10 minutes. I'm joyous! XXD
[Sunday, April 6, 2003 | 06:08 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: L'Arc~en~Ciel - Blurry Eyes]
Note to self: Do not attend parties held by good friends and crash at their place because you'll just end up helping them clean up because all the strangers who come and somehow constitute a good party, but do nothing but make a horrid mess that you have to clean up with all the other semi-responsible people, are all fucktards. Wish there was an instant sobriety thingy like Aziraphale and Crowley have in Good Omens. 'Twould be very helpful.
[Friday, April 4, 2003 | 11:50 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Xenogears - Small of Two Pieces]
*shivers* I have rarely been truly frightened in my life. This shocks and horrifies me. If it passes, a paradigm of freedom and democracy will truly be lost and corrupted. The U.S. has been demonstrating the taint of the corruption, but not to this extent. It echoes the Soviet Union and its reign of restriction, destruction and terror all too well. It's not even an echo, it is like the Soviet Union if the Act is passed. I do not know what Ashcroft is thinking, but I do know that he is a "Constitution-shredding ghoul" and what he is planning is more criminal than a series of murders.
All in the name of "saving" the country from terrorism, billions of innocent individuals will have to suffer the indignity of capricious searches, racial profiling, discrimination, and thousands of other humiliating affronts to their life. What's next? Revoking the right to vote for Middle Eastern people? Then African-Americans? Businesses who'll only serve certain races? Minorities forced to sit at the back of the bus? What is next?
The world is in danger and we are doomed to live an increasingly restrictive and terrorized life if the USA PATRIOT Act goes through. Do not tell me Canada will not follow because U.S. is the elephant that sleeps besides us, the mouse. They already bitched Canada out for not supporting them in the Iraq War because Iraq is allegedly a threat to their national security. Even if we don't follow, we will be crushed, economically, politically or physically.
No one has been given proof of the threat of national security that Iraq poses. Why doesn't the U.S. government tell us? It is merely the shadow of a connection between Saddam Hussein and the terrorists of 9/11 and weak at best from the meagre "facts" and "evidence" that have been tossed to us.
I'm feeling queasy now. This makes me sick to my stomach. *curls up into a little ball*
Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
[Thursday, April 3, 2003 | 09:27 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Nine Inch Nails - Closer]
Bad day. >_< Little thing after thing piles up and I'm just incredibly pissed off because of all these stupid little things.
- McGill. Needs two pieces of photo id, etc. signature to send me a stupid nine-digit # which they should have fucking sent through email or a letter but they haven't for some god-fucking-forsaken reason.
- The weather. Treading through ice pellets is not my idea of fun.
- My health. Sore throat, runny nose, shortness of breath. Fuck. I'd almost be willing to contract SARS in order to avoid school. *knocks on wood*
- School. All my ISPs are due at the end of the month, not to mention the process work in between. I haven't started anything on Locke, so I am screwed for Philosophy. English, just kill me. I'm bullshitting like mad and my tutor, who's been guiding me through the past two years and who I greatly admire and like is leaving the service to concentrate on her doctoral thesis. AP Calc exam. FUCKING SCREWED.
- Calc. I can never get the right answer. I'm so pissed off with problems that I think are done correctly, but aren't and I can't see where I went wrong.
- Traffic. Is. A. Bitch.
- School server, been down for this week and the past week. Can't access files, couldn't print for the fucking longest time.
- Universities. 'Nuff said.
- Fear and loathing.
- The whole world. You all piss me off. I can take some individual humans from time to time, but humanity as a whole irritates and infuriates me.
I want to release this tension, but nothing is helping. I can't scream at or hurt anyone. I want to cry, but it won't help. I'm just so angry and afraid and tired of forcing myself to not let the pressure weigh down on me. I don't want to worry or let everything get to me, but I can't help it.
I'm tired. I want to sleep. Forever.
[Wednesday, April 2, 2003 | 07:29 p.m.]
[Theme muzak: Tilt - Invisible]
Queen's PIF irritating. Feel v. inadequate.
Got new stupid headphones. It's one long cord, which is utterly ridiculous. I should have waited for my cousin to send over headphones instead buying them for $20 more here. >_< Stupid = me
Very Secret Political Diaries. Have you read yet?
Need to research. Bah! >_> Endless loop of ISPs. SARS is not fucking helping my research. Don't want to take subway now and we won't be going to Appleby for Philosophy Bowl. Damnit, wanted some new people to crush/corrupt via legal academic manner.
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