[Theme music: Maybe by Stereophonics]

Yeah, another Smallville song.^^

Evil has been loosed upon this world. Evil, so treacherous, horrible, and vile that it cannot be mentioned without fear or anger or disgust. And for once, Microsoft or the USA is not responsible. (Or so I suspect...)

Ff.net has added an Initial D category.

I think I'll go into seizures now. An IniD fic category? Badly written fics (I won't mention the Mary Sues) will increase in quantity once that gains a bit more attention. Just go read the bitchcave's entries a few days ago. There was a truly horrid fic that seiji reviewed that was posted on the IniD ML and honestly, it was one of the worst pieces of crap I had ever read. Just mentioning it makes me angry because the person either couldn't spell for their life or they were mentally retarded or just plain idiotic. Read seiji. You'll be glad you did because seiji C&C's fics not for the author, but for the reader and when particularly bad ones come out...hehehe...bring out the grenades and rapiers! ^^

[rant]

Some IniD fanfics are decent. Some are good. But many are downright ugly to the point where looking at the first word will cause you dain bramage. Among those horrid ones lie many Mary Sues which causes rage and insanity. I know I've tried not to scream when I see a Mary Sue IniD fic but sometimes I can't hold it in because it's a travesty that IniD characters have to be subjected to the ignominy and degradation of being put into a Mary Sue. What I'm really trying to say is that IniD Mary Sues are pretty much always crap. I have never read a IniD Mary Sue and never plan to, unless it earns truly rave reviews besides the usual "omg, that's so good. u g2 rite more!!! plz, luv u so much!" from those who wouldn't know what an expletive is even if it got shoved up their arses.

[end rant]

Now that's over, I hung out w/ my friends today. We went to PM and to my dismay, Manga Entertainment (the bootleg anime comapany) released a new edition of Saiyuki Part 2 with episodes 27-50. I bought Part 2, episodes 27-40 in HK during Christmas. THOSE CHEATING BASTARDS!!! I bought that edition of Part 2 needlessly! *grumble* I hope X TV will be out on DVD when I get back to HK. In fact, I hope that DiGi Charat, Shaman King, Noir Part 2, Fruits Basket, and err...whatever I can get my hands on will all be on DVD. (Note to self: Start making shopping list for HK.) I really hope the Causeway Bay Mitsukoshi will have the manga that I want when I go there the day after I arrive. If not, I can always order it and I'll have it by the end of July, early August. Hurray for Japan's proximity to China! ^^ Beautiful, beautiful manga will be mine. Mine!!! *cackles insanely*

Can't wait until June 18th!!! I'm going to HK that day and although the plane trip is going to be horrid, HK will make up for it. (Miss my friends in Toronto, though) I think I'm getting sick of HK...I did go to HK during Christmas, so I'm going too often. I have to go to other places for vacation, or better yet, work or do something productive in Toronto.

Then again, I'd have no social life, would turn into a total couch potato, wander around the house listlessly, and do absolutely nothing if I was stuck in TO during the summer. At least in HK I move around. Move around a lot.

I'm broke now. I bought a lot of stuff when hanging out w/ my friends. First, a new cell phone key chain that flashes when my cell rings (It's Qoo!!! ^^), then a silver necklace that I've been eyeing for ages, a black skirt and a pair of jeans from Club Monaco, and five CD-Rs. Errghhh...materialistic urges surfaced today. I must have spent at least $100. Shite...

I think I'll go to sleep now...

[Chaotic randomness ensued on Friday, April 19, 2002 @ 11:43 p.m.]

[Theme music: Save Me by Remy Zero and Superman by Five for Fighting]

Over the next few days, I will be getting sick of Save Me and Superman.

I had to write that just in case that does happen. I am so addicted to those songs! I love all the Smallville songs; I am determined to collect at least half of, if not all, the songs. But I am sure I will get sick of them later. I hope not, but it's always a possibility.

Sudden thought that has some squick/laughter value: Arthurian slash. We're studying romantic poetry in English and I thought of it a week ago since the love triangle seemed a little bit confined to the traditional model. I thought how a few more arrows could be drawn from a person to person. However, I am not supporting a threesome. Yuck. Ergh. I think I made myself nauseous. Will not think about Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot. Concentrate of cheesiness of plot. Anyway, it was further supported when the people who read The Mists of Avalon for their SRA mentioned "something" between Lancelot and Arthur. *lol* Glad Marion Zimmer Bradley felt like adding some slashy bits to The Mists of Avalon. =P I think I'll read it over the summer when I'm in HK. *ROFLMAO* Hahahaha...I crack up every time I think about Lancelot/Arthur; I was trying so hard to laugh out loud when the people got squicky when they mentioned it. The teacher then insisted that we get on with Tennyson's poem Lancelot and Elaine, or as I like to call it Overly Heroic Lancelot and The Seriously Infatuated Elaine, instead of "discussing the homoerotic subtext in The Mists of Avalon." Normally, other teachers would never allow the discussion to reach that point or even say the word "homoerotic" in a educational setting. Heh. Just had image of Guinevere and Elaine screeching "You're GAY!!!" in shocked tones as Lancelot outs himself to them, attributing Arthur as the one responsible for changing his perspective. ^_^ Isn't that a nice euphemism? Hehehe...my mind is so in the gutter right now...

That aside, I want more Smallville!. And Gilmore Girls. I need to watch episodes #2-15 of Smallville b/c I missed them completely. Good thing people write episode summaries on the internet. *hugs her internet cable cord* Also read summary of the next episode of Smallville, "Crush". It sounds fairly interesting except that Lana is questioning her relationship w/ Whitney. Damnit, she cannot become single! It would ruin the dynamics of all relationships surrounding her, Clark, Chloe, Whitney, Lex...hell, everyone! And fyi, I logically support Clark/Chloe when I must root for a het pairing or be very canon-minded, so Lana becoming single will prove to be disastrous. However, one cannot ignore the slash subtext in Smallville, so my heart is still firmly with Clark/Lex. And so's three of my browser windows, as they are all CLex fics. ^_^

Smallville Spoilers

Just read over on the KryptonSite Spoilers Message Board that Clark and Chloe will be going to the prom together and almost kiss, except the principal announces the crisis that happens in practically every episode during some suspenseful part, yadda, yadda, blah, blah. However, I'll believe it when I see it. Must question validity of source. *nods* That's what Neil Postman says.

Argh, too much media class brainwashing! Must go remedy this with things that I will not question. All right, to the slash fics!

[Chaotic randomness ensued on Thursday, April 18, 2002 @ 09:23 p.m.]

[Theme music: Where's Your Head At by Basement Jaxx]

Watched newest episodes of Smallville and Gilmore Girls. I have just realized that Smallville has...some pretty bad acting. Sometimes, some actors seem overly dramatic or fake and it ruins the atmosphere of the show. However, the story is just fantastic, and the music is to die for. I'm getting addicted to Smallville music. I hope they release a Smallville soundtrack sometime, but for now, I'll stick w/ d/l'ing the mp3s. Long Way Around by Eagle Eye Cherry and Save Me by Remy Zero, the opening theme, are especially good. I love both of the songs, but of course, the others are equally as good. With Lifehouse, The Calling, Third Eye Blind, Sum 41, Eve6 and other bloody brilliant bands, how could they not be?

I also am getting addicted to Gilmore Girls. I know it's unrealistic, but damnit, the show's just good. And the music isn't bad. Just not as good as Smallville's. R/J! Whee!

Chibi jailbait!Clark: That's just because there's no slash subtext in Gilmore Girls. *grin*

...Shaddup. Okay, Smallville is good b/c of the slash subtext, but that's not all that's to it. Oh god, every time Lex and Clark had a conversation, I could imagine how that scenario could lead to something extremely slashy.

Chibi!Lex: *glumly* Don't I wish it could be real like that...

*pats him sympathetically on the head* I know, I know. I feel your pain. Play with Clark to make yourself feel better.

Chibi!Clark: *eagerly glomps Chibi!Lex and they disappear out of sight*

I think I need sleep now. *conks out*

[Chaotic randomness ensued on Wednesday, April 17, 2002 @ 11:44p.m.]

[Theme muzak: Little L by Jamiroquai]

V. nice, sunny, warm day, almost too warm, but with enough breeze and air con to make it bearable. ^_^

Played some paddle tennis, am bad, but learning and at the very least, can serve and hit it in the right place, though returning the serve is something else entirely different. ^_^;

The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms is 20 years old today! *throws confetti in the air* Yes, I like the Charter, a piece of legislation; I am a geek who is heavily into human rights and plans to study law. In Law, we had cake to celebrate after our mini-test and we didn't really do anything after that. Bloody good cake and bloody good test, I'm pretty sure I passed. Studied for it the night before for hours and tutored about three or four people. My throat got dry by the end of the night. The most interesting session was when I made a tree diagram of homocide (culpable/non-culpable, murder, manslaughter, etc.) with our lunches, one can of Coke, one wrapped sandwich, bottle caps and a plate of Quiche Lorraine and Caeser salad sitting outside on pavement. Don't ask.

Fairly interesting discussion in World History class, since we're into ancient China and lots of contributions from everyone and I can actually say something that makes sense and can be used!

I tried those Biore face strip thingys to remove dirt from my pores and I would like to say that they hurt like a fuckin' bitch when I tried to remove it from my nose. I actually got very litte dirt removed from my pores (wonky thingys that stood up from the strip), but they didn't get the rest. It was pretty weird and hurt so much I nearly cried when I was getting off. Don't use them.

Gotta study for postmodernism test tomorrow. Will do that later when mind is more receptive. Right now...to the slash fics!

[Chaotic randomness ensued on Wednesday, April 17, 2002 @ 05:10 p.m.]

[Theme music: Skin by Collective Soul]

So hot...*wipes sweat* Boiling hot in my house...feck.

V. warm day in Toronto. Enjoyable in a way but not enough breeze and just a tad bit too warm.

V. depressed today and in self-pitying mood. Hate moods like that and know self-pity is pathetic weakness of mine that I always indulge in. I think my mind's pretty fucked up at moments like these. Am v. pathetic at times like this. Fuck it all!

Read AU future Clark/Lex romantic fic. Like lots. Like happy romance, AU and definitely CLex.

Tired now...think will go to sleep...

[Chaotic randomness ensued on Wednesday, April 17, 2002 @ 12:32 p.m.]

[Theme music: silence]

Trying to write my fucking SRA. So not working!!!

Okay, I'm a complete procrastinator. I'm supposed to be writing the damn SRA, but it's not working. Instead, I'm blogging. Why am I like this???

Took stupid quizzes. Hating self right now.

what's your battle cry?

	You are Rowlf! You don't draw attention to yourself much, preferring to keep your cool and stay in the background.
Take the What Muppet Are You? Quiz!

Argggghh...fine, I've satisifed my urge to blog. Now I must work.

And I know I'm not going to do it. Fuck.

[Chaotic randomness ensued on Monday, April 15, 2002 @ 08:41 p.m.]

[Theme music: Too Bad by Nickelback]

Wrote a little vignette that got sparked by a Smallville fic that was (surprise!) not slash. Not related to it, but a sentence caught my attention and I used the idea in that and expanded on it, plucking some small elements from Saiyuki and the mentor/student relationship, the literary device.

I did it so you would listen to me.

I said that once to you. I had said it earnestly, sincerely with so much feeling that I had never expressed before. I was full of youthful hope that you would smile and nod understandingly and accept it and everything would be sunshine and storybook after that.

It wasn’t. You told me with all the wisdom of your years that it was childish, immature and if I wanted you to listen, I would have to try harder than that.

Never had I had such a shock. Hope, bright, golden and pure, shattered into poisoned shards that bit into me as you smiled your smile, which I had found beautiful, but now twisted.

I remember your head, fair-haired and gleaming in the spring sunlight as you walked down the white-walled hallway, passing sun and shadow with indifference to the cruel hideousness of the scene. It had been beautiful, innocence snowy-white in warm golden silence, and you turned it into cold, untouchable wan chalkiness touched in oppressive stillness.

You changed my perceptions with words and you embittered me, heart, soul, mind with laughter. Dust to dust, ashes to ashes. I became dust because I was dust in your eyes. I became nothing. I was nothing.

And I am still nothing.

But I will make myself into something. Something that is not weak or childish. I will become strong. I will become adult. I will become someone.

You told me once that my innocence caught your eye in the midst of corruption, treachery, and greed of the human condition. I had glowed warmly under those words of praise, blossoming with happiness.

If you told me that now, I would laugh. Mirth would not touch the sound. Joy has not touched ice like me and will never touch me. I am nothing, but I am still something. I am something which you like to use but hate to fear, but would must fear it nevertheless.

I suppose I would call myself untouchable. Corrupted, cold, inhuman would also come to mind. I am also a killer. I kill innocence, hope, purity, happiness and trust. I have crushed them all with my will and smiles and laughter and words time after time, just like you did with me.

So here I am again. In front of you, ready to tell you again my wishes, to tell you what I have done to earn your ear and your attention. You are my weakness, dear mentor, and I have returned.

Tell me again that I am weak, childish and immature. I am grown; I know better; I have done things that would freeze your blood and make you pale. I dare you, tell me that again.

Tell me that I am dust. Tell me that I am ashes. Tell me that I am nothing.

Dust to dust. Ashes to ashes.

You told me that once. You said it somberly as you stood over the grave of some person who had nothing on their stone but a simple inscription “Here lies one who could not love, but could have loved and was loved.”

You had turned to me with a shadowed face and I knew, at that moment, you had written that epitaph. Sadness had touched you profoundly and I had wept over the grave of that nameless someone because you had no tears left in you to cry. I had wept for you, not for the one who lay in the cold earth.

I sincerely wish that I had never cried. Crying is a weakness. And I had capacity for only one weakness and you were it.

A strong person erases their weaknesses. I have done so.

I hope you like your epitaph. I wrote it myself.

Here lies the one who thought he loved, but could never love.

I should mention the piece from the previous entry was sparked by something I found in the Humour section of What the Thunder Said. I laughed because that's exactly what Kamui should say (and blow stuff up to vent his anger because that's what that poor boy needs [and I want to see shit blown up]) but also it was appropriately philosophical.

Added note: Technomancy is v.g. Visit their site. *nods* ^_^

[Chaotic randomness ensued on Sunday, April 14, 2002 @ 10:43 p.m.]

[Theme music: anything that'll fuck your brain up nice and shitty. (Add alcohol and other illegal substances if necessary**)]

I wrote a nice, philosophical piece that I hope to publish on my school newspaper just to fuck with my fellow chummy students' minds. Or lack thereof in certain people.

The Greeks believed that everyone had a Fate and no matter what you did, you could not avoid it. It was predetermined for you by the appropriately named Three Fates. The Elizabethans believed in the Chain Of The Order of Being. You had your place in society and if you tried to move up, chaos would ensue and Very Bad Things would happen. In other words, you had a Fate and you two would become the chummiest of friends, even if you didn’t want to make its acquaintance.

The thing with Fate in the archaic days was that everything you did was predetermined; you couldn't escape it and if you tried to do so...well, that was foreordained too. Oedipus, the main character of Sophocles’ aptly titled play "Oedipus", is a prime example. He was doomed to kill his father and commit incest with his mother, a rather unappealing destiny by any standard. He tried running away, but Fate simply laughed, poured itself a glass of wine and watched the events it had set into motion unfold while it got pleasantly drunk. Poor old Oedipus was running so hard that he forgot keep his eyes in front and crashed right into Fate's twin, Destiny, who didn’t take it very well. Let’s just say the events that followed were rather messy and Oedipus didn't get a happy ending like he thought he was entitled to.

Presently, most people don't believe in Fate. In fact, it has been downgraded to just 'fate'. Words like destiny, predetermined, and karma don't mean much these days; they've become the close associates of quacks who pretend to be psychics, fortune tellers and eccentrics who haven't quite caught up with the 21st century and the socially accepted modern way of thinking.

Nowadays, we laugh openly in public at the mere thought of something or someone who has decided our future for us, while we quietly but furiously stew in our juices believing the exact opposite. We straddle the edge, assuming a cool pose of skeptical indifference towards Fate on the surface while we still retain the ideas of the past because it's simply safer to do so. We can pretend to have free will, which we really do have, but silently tell ourselves that we’re not responsible for the events that follow our choices and actions because it was "just meant to happen". We flinch guiltily when we do Bad Things but we can always tell ourselves that [insert suitable deity's name] decided it for us a long, long time ago. Harsh, but it just might be true.

I admit it; I'm one of those people who don’t believe in fate. Destiny is cliched; karma can be flushed down the toilet for all I care; predetermined is laughable. I believe in freedom of choice. I choose what I do. No higher omnipotent being with decidedly god-like powers who supposedly has The Truth, also known as "the answers to everything", is going to decide what I'm going to do.

I'm also one of those people who knows that I may just be deluding myself into believing that I do have free choice. Essentially, free choice is forced on us. We can't live in this world anymore without having choices. The only choice we don’t have is the option of not choosing because the people up there are too busy to decide for us anymore. You can’t just sit belligerently on your behind and declare stubbornly that you won't choose because that is a choice in itself not to choose.

I'm trying to avoid Fate every second of every minute of every day of every week of every month of every year that I'm alive. But really, I'm just playing into Fate's hands because Fate already decided that I would be skeptical and believe that I have free choice. Fate, Destiny, Karma, however you may interpret it is, is having a good laugh at us all right now.

Most of the time, I reject Fate and believe with absolute conviction that I have free will, but sometimes I waver and I think that everything, even choices, is forced on us, which just may be Fate itself.

The final question is do you choose to believe me, scoff at my ideas, or stay neutral about it because you "just can’t decide" or "just don't care"?

And remember, that's a choice too.

Did it work? Or am I an abysmal failure at trying to fuck up people's mind?

** By no means am I endorsing heavy drinking or substance abuse. It was meant a sardonic joke. Honestly, don't go messing with your body like that because drug overdoses and alcoholism are not nice. The usual thing is that you die from drug overdoses because you choke on your own vomit when your body can't deal with the drug anymore. (Undiginified and gross way to die, when you think about it) And people can die from drinking too much because their kidneys fail, their eyeballs turn yellow, and their bodies break down, and their minds follow. Did I mention it's possible to go utterly insane because of drinking constantly and heavily?

[Chaotic randomness ensued on Sunday, April 14, 2002 @ 12:41 a.m.]

[Theme music: Canta Per Me by Kaida Yuriko from Noir]

Have not finished SRA book. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck...

Reading angsty Clark/Lex fic with improbable root plot device. However, angst is relatively well-execeuted, so will excuse that.

ff.net is down. I was in the middle of reading a fic. So irritating when it does that. Grr...

Have realized am just rambling on and on. God, I need something to do. Think will go bake cookies.

[Chaotic randomness ensued on Saturday, April 13, 2002 @ 10:39 p.m.]

[Theme music: Canned Heat by Jamiroquai]

Whee! More useless quizzes! (I'm saying whee! a lot, aren't I? BmB has corrupted me...)

Didn't your mother tell you not to play with mysterious puzzle boxes?
Find out How would you die in a horror movie?

Probably true. I'm curious about a lot of things and I can't resist touching them, sometimes. Call it lack of self-control.

...note to self: quizzes often do no reflect true self.

Burning some more CDs, am so bored. I wanna watch the San Marino GP...why, why, why won't it happen today instead of tomorrow?

Also, I should be reading rest of SRA book. Am halfway through. SRA due on Tuesday. So screwed. Procrastination is lovely, but hateful thing.

[mini rant]

I truly loathe Yahoo!'s ads now. Couple of months ago, they wouldn't have so many ads, banner, block, and pop-up, in their e-mail and mailing list services. But now, they're everywhere. When I try to read messages in my MLs, they pop out almost everytime I click the next link from one message to another. But what really irritates me is the "Free Horoscope" and "Wireless Video Camera" ads. The first has pictures of nearly naked women on it and there is no connection between sexist pinups of women's bodies (note: not women, just women's bodies) and horoscopes. The latter is much worse. They have women in provocative poses dressed not skimpily but in a sexy fashion, but they're practically encouraging peeping toms to set up cameras in places where they can spy on women. What connection is there between tiny video cameras and sexy women? Honestly, they're encouraging invasion of privacy and people to spy on others. In fact, the whole thing disgusts and infuriates me. I can't believe a company would sink so low to encourage such contemptible and disgusting actions.

[end mini rant]

I need to watch some anime to help me out of this mood I'm in. Must administer anime, stat.

[Chaotic randomness ensued on Saturday, April 13, 2002 @ 05:17 p.m.]

:: Link Fixations ::

Anipike
Fanfiction.Net
Fiction Alley
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Sinfest
Ozy and Millie
Avalon High
Okashina Okashi
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Valhalla
Zahara Medina's Page
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Manga Bonbons
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Anime Daisuki

:: Blogs I Read ::

~+AIM to Please+~
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idle ramblings
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Icha Icha Paradise
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the bitchcave
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Britt

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